Hi, I'm in Cleveland.

Tomorrow, I am off on a work-related adventure to Cleveland--the armpit of America's Rust Belt (I am a two-time Rust Belt Road Trip survivor, so I'm very familiar with the various parts of this passage way through America's depressed industrial landscape's anatomy).

[Side-note...when you enter Gary, Indiana the first thing you see, as in many U.S. cities is: "WELCOME TO GARY, INDIANA"--wait for it, on the buildings of the sewage treatment complex! Nothing like a little shit to let you know you've arrived.]

My upcoming trip reminds me of a great scene from an even greater movie, Wayne's World.

Catcalls, Let Me Know I'm Home

A funny thing I missed in London, oddly enough, were catcalls. The Brits are far too polite (read: repressed) to let a lady know she's smokin', especially a lady they've never met before.

Here, in New York, not to say something to a female as you pass her in the street is borderline rude. I am a feminist, and I would hate to simply be sexualized; but in combination with intellectual praise, points for good humor, high fives on accomplishments, a "hey, mommy, how you doin'?" is a nice reminder that I'm in New York, I'm a "mommy" (whatever that means), and that I've managed, without so much as a gesture, to grab the attention of that construction worker.

Of course, some catcalls cross the line; anything with specific reference to my anatomy, for example, is immediately met with a stern look, and if I get the balls someday, maybe even a swift kick to the shin.

"hey, mommy..."

This is NOT Nepotism, This Kid is FRESH!

The guy who created Mad Men has spawned the potentially funniest, boldest, most stylin' 8 year old on earth. He asked for a top hat when he was three. Enough said.

Watch the slideshow (after you finish reading my post, of course):
http://men.style.com/gq/features/landing?id=content_8377

This is Arlo Weiner's mini-golf outfit (his brother has clearly surrendered any sort of attention-seeking rivalry) . I die.

Quoted on GQ's blog (yeah, he's 8 and GQ is featuring him), Arlo says about jeans and sneakers, “They’re really not my thing.” Lady killer.

I Voted for You, Now Get Off My Back & DO WORK!

A 4-PART HAIKU,
COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING
STUCK IN THE OBAMA EMAIL
LIST QUAGMIRE

the excitment mounts
with every new addition
to my inbox box

anticipating
an offer or a meeting
but no, it's just you

it's the third email
in this past hour, i get it
you must! inform me

i am unemployed
so quit the emails, barack
unless you're hiring

Put Your Seatbelt On...This Gets Ranty

Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but something international/political/religious has really been bugging me--and we should all get bugged about this together.

To put the back story quickly, in Brazil, a 9 year old girl (recall this fact) was raped by her stepfather and impregnated. With twins. Again, she is 9 years old; she weighs 80 pounds. Fatima Maia, director of the hospital where the girl was treated, said the pregnancy posed a serious risk to the girl. "She is very small. Her uterus doesn't have the ability to hold one, let alone two children," Maia told the Jornal do Brasil newspaper.

Wisely, an abortion was performed, despite the illegality of such procedures in very Catholic Brazil (judges can make exceptions when the pregnancy is the result of rape or there is a danger to the mother--in this situation, both were the case, and a judge allowed the procedure).

The Archdiocese of Olinda and Recife in northeastern Brazil has brazenly stepped up their vocalization against the abortion, in this SPECIFIC case, beginning with making a statement against it...proclaiming that this little girl, this child, should have carried the babies to term and had a c-section. This 9 year old girl. Then, the Church excommunicated the little girl's mother and the doctors involved in the case. And finally, the Vatican has come out in defense of the Archbishop who did the excommunicating deed, saying, "It is a sad case but the real problem is that the twins conceived were two innocent persons, who had the right to live and could not be eliminated."

I know the Catholic Church may seem a bit hypocritical if they were to, instead of lambasting an INNOCENT 9 year old girl, say, come out with a firm statement proclaiming the ongoing sexual assault of a child as disgusting, inexcusable, and the "real problem" of this entire story. Where is the mention of retaining the innocence of the victim? Is the value of her life, her childhood, her future less important then that of those she was carrying, against her will, against her own body's biological capability?

I don't care where you fall on the Choice spectrum...this story does more then trigger a debate, it exemplifies why all people, the faithful and the skeptical have to keep pressure on the religious institutions that put their version of the word of God before personal freedoms, progressive thought and even the health and safety of a 9 year old rape victim.

I just realized...

...I've written two posts recently about SLUTS. I want to publicly state that sluts are great...I mean you no ill-will. If I was a little taller and had a bigger rack, I'd probably be a slut too...these posts obviously stem from jealousy.

Erin Go Push-Up-Bra...

I always loved Halloween in the same way that many kids do. There's pumpkin carving, costumes, and of course, candy that lasts months on end. To me, it's a day for children to revel in make-believe, get high off of their faces on sugar, have an epic stomach ache/pass out on the come down, and wake up to tally another awesome costume onto their lists. I can also see why some adults may want to partake in a little Halloween fun--their is an element of fantasy...you can break out from your humdrum existence of suits & ties or jeans & converse (depending on your type); you can partake in some excessive imbibing (much like any other NYC holiday, but this is like getting drunk and method acting simultaneously).

What I do not understand is why some adults, certain female ones, take unsexy & common professions/animals/childhood characters and convert them, and Halloween in general, into All Sluts Day. There was a great moment on that pranking puppets show on Comedy Central where Sarah Silverman called a costume store, and after requesting several typical slutty costumes--nurse, cat, schoolgirl--she asks the clerk if they sold any sexy "Hitler costumes."

I mean, why not just dress as strippers? Or Barker's Beauties? Or a nudist? Why sexualize completely unsexual things...nurses, I guess I get (have you seen those printed scrubs and rubber shoes they wear...HOT!)...but cats? A pirate? Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz--the beacon for all things wholesome and youthful? A fucking S.W.A.T. team member?

Apparently, this trend is about to infiltrate my absolute favorite NYC shitfest/holiday--St. Patty's Day. I walked past a store today, and guess what was in the window?

I suppose she's a sexy version of this guy:

Lessons on Forgiveness, from the King of Civil Rights

No, not Martin Luther, Rodney.

I'm not sure if any of you are as debase as I in your television watching repertoire; but I have been known to take a gratuitous pause when I channel-land on some less then quality programing such as (but not exclusively):

*Housewives of [Orange County/Atlanta/New York]
*Rock of Love [Bus]
*Dog the Bounty Hunter
...etc...etc...etc...

Because I take the time to give these fledgling programs a chance, I have come to know and love the only truly historically relevant, and by that, famous person ever to be on reality television--

RODNEY KING!

Now, we all know that Rodney was enjoying a little Jesus-juice when he was pulled over and then outrageously and monstrously beaten right off of an L.A. freeway...but what we never would have known is that he went on to become a desperate alcoholic. How do I know that, you ask. VH1's ironically addictive Celebrity Rehab followed up by Sober House (or some title to that effect).

Why does all of this matter? Well, aside from the trauma of a horrific beating, the acquittal of those horrifying beaters, and then the subsequent deadly riots that followed--Rodney has somehow managed to recover from an intense alcohol addiction, cohabitate with Gary Busey, AND, on top of that, forgive those disgusting 5-0s--all in 2 seasons of a reality show/spin-off.

It's odd to actually have a moment of emotional movement while watching VH1, but when Rodney King is standing on the freeway, marking his beat-down spot with flowers and a bible, and then goes on to read a forgiveness letter to the assholes who committed the heinous crime, it makes you think.

Well, it makes me think--things like, could I forgive those assholes? Why can't Rodney be a goodwill ambassador and get this whole Mid-East conflict resolved once and for all? Can't we all just get along? Can't Rodney just say that one more time?

The New York, Underground

A HAIKU
My morning commute
A man on a bench. Oh, no--
He's masturbating.

No one on the corner has cravings like her...

I know I don't really blog...on the regular...but my two favorite famous people shared a stage last night at the Grammys...

One of them was 9 months pregnant, and one was probably high off of cough syrup (looking in your direction l'il Wayne).

Anywho...this video deserves a post:

Political Economy of Lady-Parts

I have been looking for work for quite some time now. I am skilled in a couple areas, sort of ambiguously skilled--not like, an actual ability to do something in a trade, like cut hair, repair vacuums, or make sushi. My skills are slightly less specific, but important nonetheless. I have a degree in writing from a well-thought-upon university; I have reliable research skills, honed at a popular satirical news program; I can run a bar, which is an all-encompassing ability--managing money and inventory, pouring beer, entertaining customers, organizing staff, tossing out drunks, and English drunks, a breed of their own.

Regardless, these skills don't seem to have any bearing on the current job market; but, after only a couple hours of reality television watching, I can tell you what does--slutiness.

I don't love the word slut, it's too open ended. One person's slut, is another person's experimenter or indulger or fun-haver. Some jobs require a certain amount of sexual-ness, which could be interpreted as slutiness, but let's face it, the bar has risen, and necklines lowered, and as my b.r.f.f. albeit humongo slut l'il Wayne says, "it ain't trickin' if you got it."

What is undeniably slutty though, is the behavior of the ladies on various VH1 reality shows, the latest of which is Rock of Love Bus (starring a bunch of sluts, the sluttiest being Barbie-haired Bret Michaels).

Holy mother of God are these girls slutty. It's hard to describe them as anything other then that...they revel in their brainlessness, attempt to one up each other with various acts of lewd-ity, dump drinks on each other, rub boobies with each other, all the while trying to score an engagement ring from the filthiest filth to survive the 80s.

So, what does this have to do with me finding a job? Nothing really, but if I would have known that the political economy of slutiness would have trumped the dismal economic conditions under which we are currently living, I would have convinced my husband to forgo his masters and gotten some basketball sized jugs, ratty bleached wigs, child-sized outfits, and hit the reality slut circuit.

I'm not sure what the saying is for a famous person who is currently living, but if Gloria Steinem were dead, she'd be turning in her urn (in her sluttly little bunny outfit).